Love

Breakups

A long time friend of mine is going through a breakup and asked me recently "have you been through a bad heartbreak? when will it end?" I responded over text, but having just passed the year mark on a deeply painful breakup, I figured my advice is worth writing down in case I need to refresh my memory in the future.

"Yes, just emerging from heatbreak. I was with her for two years and it took me at laest 6 months to not be sad. Nothing changed and nothing changed until all of a sudden I was feeling better and now I feel happy again, one year later. But there's nothing to do but let time wash over you. Just the worst. Can take months but the intense stuff probably not many months [after my friend explained her acute physical responses to relationship memories]. It's like shaking an addiction, something that made your brain squirt dopamine on command; it's physically ingrained. Just have to drink water and detox and go through withdrawal. [She explained that this was her first time being in love]. Phew, is going to be rought for a while then. One of the key components of the human experience though, so congratulations. Not everybody gets to feel this alive. You're doing it. You will feel better eventually. Doesn't help to know but worth knowing anyway. Keep exercising. The only thing worse than a breakup is being fat as hell a year later. Adds insult to injury. Don't try to replace the fix you got from him with drugs or someone else. The experience is valuable in and of itself. It will make all your future love infinitely better. Because next time you do it you'll know what you're getting into and it will all be more meaningful. But that doesn't help you now, just know that as busted as you feel you're growing and growing and growing and not shrinking or breaking. Write a lot, it's so great to read what you were feeling and thinking later. Easy to forget. But don't dwell, there's no good in wallowing. Don't look at old pictures and read old stuff. There are no shortcuts. I made some of my favorite songs after one hard breakup."